SONNY’S FULL 130 TEAM COLLEGE FOOTBALL PRESEASON RANKINGS (2017)

marcus-lattimore-knee-injury-worst-football-in-history-2015

I’ve fucking lost it this time guys.

I love college football more than Trump hates Muslims, and I am shaking in my boots in anticipation for the upcoming season. With all the major spring games over, I figured I better whip up my list. To be honest, I have been working on this for a while now (since before most of the spring games),but finally the time has finally come for me to release my load on all of you Hard Woodies.

After finishing the rankings, I took a look back at my creation and realized that I shit all over C-USA, the Sun Belt, and the MAC. I apologize in advance. I based the rankings off of ESPN’s FPI ranks, season highlights from each team, and the name of the teams starting QB. I only wrote a little blurb on teams I found interesting and on the top 10. Sorry if you were expecting me to write about your precious Northwestern Wildcats, and how they play on a field that is shittier than most Division 7 high school fields in Alaska, or how Pat Fitzgerald is going to call the same bootleg-pass for three downs and then punt.

In all seriousness, please enjoy. Crack open a Buschie, lean back, and let my ideas get aaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllll up in you.

130.) UABSun Belt

—They’re baaaaaacccckkkkk. Two years after being taken to the back 40 and put down like Old Yeller, the UAB Blazers Football Team is back on it’s feet. They just had their spring game and brought in a record crowd for the event, however head coach Bill Clark is doing one of the most extensive rebuilding projects in recent memory. That means that were will be road-bumps… And it means that they play the Florida Gators in week 12, which should be a rough day in Gainesville for the Bill Clark and the Blazers. Good luck, Coach.

129.) UTEP, C-USA

128.) Charolette, C-USA

127.) Texas State, Sun Belt

126.) U-CONN, American

125.) North Texas, C-USA

124.) FIU, C-USA

— Butch Davis just took over the reigns of the Florida International University Football squad, and that means that there is no way that I should have FIU at 124. If this list was me going by my first thought, I’d have FIU in the top 50, but I’m overthinking, and I HAVE to put FIU here.

123.) South Alabama, Sun Belt

122.) Coastal Carolina, FCS INDEP.

121.) Georgia State, Sun Belt

120.) Rice, C-USA

— After only winning three games last season, the Rice Owls are looking for a hell of rebound season. Unfortunately, I just don’t see that happening. A new QB at the helm, a coach who is confused as to how a running back committee works, and a daunting schedule that opens up with a game in Australia against the Stanford Cardinals will all be  factors to another unsuccessful season for Rice

119.) Kent State, MAC

118.) U-MASS, FBS INDEP. 

117.) UL MONROE, Sun Belt

116.) Georgia Southern, Sun Belt

115.) Fresno State, Mountain West

114.) UL- Lafayette, Sun Belt

113.) San Jose State, Mountain West

112.) Nevada, Mountain West

111.) Ball State, MAC

110.) Buffalo, MAC

— UB head coach Lance Leipold and his Bulls finished the 2016 season at a lowly 2-10 record. This year, his vision will start to become a reality. This could be the year for a possible top five finish in the MAC. This guy is the fastest coach to get to 100 wins in NCAA history, and has FUCKING SIX DIVISION 3 NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS. I expect big things for the Bulls this year.

109.) Hawai’i, Mountain West

108.) Eastern Michigan, MAC

107.) Southern Mississippi, C-USA

106.) UNLV, Mountain West

105.) Akron, MAC

104.) ECU, American

103.) UTSA, C-USA

102.) Purdue, Big Ten

— HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, you guys are literally the worst team in the B1G.

101.) Northern Illinois, MAC

100.) Idaho, Sun Belt

— For the 2018 season, the Idaho Vandals will move down to the Big Sky Conference in the FCS. That means this is their last year in the FBS, which in return means that if they gonna do it den they got 2 do it big den.

99.) Kansas, Big 12

— The Jayhawks play arguably the best four teams in the Big 12 in their last four games (Baylor, Texas, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State). Another rough year for Kansas.

98.) New Mexico, Mountain West

97.) Old Dominion, C-USA

96.) Utah State, Mountain West

95.) Air Force, Mountain West

94.) Rutgers, Big Ten 

93.) Arkansas State, Sun Belt

92.) Ohio, MAC

91.) Marshall, C-USA

90.) Illinois, Big Ten

— I hate to put Illinois so low, because they have Jeff George JR., AKA; my second favorite QB. Not to mention, the Fightin’ Illini head coach is Lovie Fucking Smith. This year will be the start of the Illinois resurgence.

89.) Mid Tennessee State, C-USA

88.) Lousiana Tech, C-USA

87.) Miami (OH), MAC

86.) Central Michigan, MAC

85.) Cincinnati,  American 

84.) SMU, American

83.) Tulane, American

82.) Army, FBS Indep. 

81.) Temple, American

80.) FAU, C-USA

— Lane fucking Kiffin. End of discussion.

79.) Wyoming, Mountain West

— Coming off a loss in the Mountain West Championship game against San Diego State and a Boca Raton Bowl loss to BYU, the Cowboys of Wyoming in 2017 will rock the Mountain West to it’s very core and Craig Bohl’s team will flourish.

78.) Troy, Sun Belt

— This team almost beat Clemson in 2016, expect big things.

77.) Virginia, ACC

76.) Central Florida, American

75.) Vanderbilt, SEC

— Fuck the SEC

74.) Appalachian State,  Sun Belt

73.) Western Kentucky, C-USA

72.) Maryland, Big Ten

71.) Cal, Pac-12

70.) Iowa State, Big 12

69.) Western Michigan, MAC

— You’d think they’d be good because they’re at #69, but no. P.J Fleck had to ruin that because he went to the stupid fucking Gophers.

68.) Boston College, ACC 

67.) San Diego State, Mountain West

66.) Indiana, Big Ten

65.) Tulsa, American

64.) Minnesota, Big Ten

63.) Duke, ACC

62.) Toledo, MAC

61.) Colorado State, Mountain West

60.) Michigan State, Big Ten

— The Mark Dantonio era isn’t coming to a close, but the success that was found in past years won’t be there quite yet.

59.) South Florida, American

— Charlie Strong takes over an already established program, so that means I should most likely have the Bulls a little higher on the list. Although, I refuse to believe in Coach Strong, because when he was handed the Texas job, he went and fucked that up. Never again, Charlie… Never again.

58.) Wake Forest, ACC

57.) Oregon State, Pac-12

56.) Navy, American

55.) Nebraska, Big Ten

54.) Arizona, Pac-12

— What happend, Rich Rod? You guys were a legitimate threat in the Pac-12 like three years ago, and now you’re coming off a season where you didn’t even make a bowl game. I’m hoping the Wildcats come back to prominence in 2017.

53.) Houston, American

— I don’t trust Houston. They were inconsistent last season under Tom Herman, and got their shit kicked in during their bowl game under their new head coach Major Applewhite. The Cougars are up in the air.

52.) Syracuse, ACC

51.) West Virginia, Big 12

50.) Boise State, Mountain West

— Yes… Boise State is going to be good. They’ll most likely win the Mountain West, and make a decent sized bowl game, maybe even a New Years Six bowl. The question is, can they beat a Power Five Conference team… The answer is no… probably.

49.) Missouri, SEC

48.) Kentucky, SEC

47.) Arizona State, Pac-12

46.) Mississippi State, SEC

— They were shit last year, and they’ll be shit again. Quote me.

45.) Arkansas, SEC

44.) Memphis, American

43.) Utah, Pac-12

42.) North Carolina, ACC

41.) Texas Tech, Big 12

40.) BYU, FBS Indep.

— This squad almost went undefeated last year (They lost two games by 1, and two games by 3), but they also lost leading rusher Jamaal Williams and starting QB Taysom Hill to the Green Bay Packers in the draft (Ted Thompson loves his Mormons). It’ll be tough to have a reload season, instead of rebuild season for head coach Kalani Sitake. I wouldn’t count out the Cougars though.

39.) Colorado, Pac-12

38.) South Carolina, SEC

37.) Pittsburgh, ACC

36.) Northwestern, Big Ten

35.) Iowa, Big Ten

34.) Georgia Tech, ACC

33.) Kansas State, Big 12

32.) Ole Miss, SEC

— Hugh Freeze is bringing back the Rebels to play spoilers this season in the SEC.

31.) Virginia Tech, ACC

30.) UCLA, Pac-12

29.) Texas A&M, SEC

28.) TCU, Big 12

27.) Washington State, Pac-12

26.) North Carolina State, ACC


THE TOP 25

25.) University of Miami, ACC

24.) Baylor, Big 12

23.) Oklahoma State, Big 12

22.) Oregon, Pac-12

21.) Louisville, ACC

20.) Tennessee, SEC

19.) Texas, Big 12

18.) Notre Dame, FBS Indep.

17.) Georgia, SEC

16.) Auburn, SEC

15.) Stanford, Pac-12

14.) Florida, SEC

13.) LSU, SEC

12.) Washington, Pac-12

11.) Penn State, Big 10

10.) USC, Pac-12

— This is a team to keep on your radar. They have a high chance of making it to the playoff with QB Sam Darnold and RB Ronald Jones returning. Most people have the Trojans in the top four, but I’m not positive they’ll live up to the hype.

9.) Michigan, Big Ten

— Obviously the Wolverines are going to be playoff contenders from the start, but a tough B1G schedule doesn’t help their chances.

8.) Oklahoma, Big 12

— Odds experts say that quarterback Baker Mayfield will win the Heisman Trophy, which will most likely be the case. The Sooners will keep up with their consistency, and perhaps even take their winning ways to the next level this upcoming season.

7.) Ohio State, Big Ten

— J.T Barrett is playing in what seems like his tenth year for the Buckeyes, but having a grizzled young vet at the helm will shoot OSU into the stratosphere of college football. They’ll win every game except against the Badgers. Put that in the books.

6.) Wisconsin, Big Ten

— They’ll be in the top four and CFB-Playoff bound by the end of the regular season. Bringing back every one, except every good player on our defense. Fuck yeah.

5.) Florida State, ACC

— No Dalvin Cook? No problem for the Seminoles. They’ll probably get upset by a shit-ass Boston College team, but they’ll contend for a playoff spot.

4.) Clemson, ACC 

— Dabo is the man, and he’ll lead his Tigers to another successful season for Clemson.

3.) Alabama, SEC

— It’s as simple as this, Alabama will not win the National Championship, because they are not the best team in the nation. PERIOD.

2.) Grambling State, Southwestern Athletic Conference

— Under HC Broderick Fobbs, the Tigers are undefeated in conference, and have only lost four games. This should be another successfully dominate season, and a possible championship year.

1.) University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, Wisconsin Intercollegiate Athletic Conference

— This was, without a doubt, the easiest selection I had on the entire ranking. The Blugolds are primed for success after going 2-7 last year overall. Marquee wins over Wisconsin Lutheran and UW-LaCrosse should propel UWEC to new heights for the upcoming season.


Well guys, there you have it.

I skipped out on studying for my finals to write a ranking that 20-30 (probably less if we’re being honest) will read. So if you did take the time to go through the list, thank you.

Stay hard, guys!

~ The Greatest Football Mind on the Internet

 

 

 

 

 

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